Top 5 tips to help with divorce
To support ‘Good Divorce Week’ we are bringing you our top 5 tips to help with divorce. Our IDR Members; Claire Colbert & Rachael Oakes from Family Mediation & Mentoring are supporting this initiative by offering a free 20 minute call to discuss family mediation and how it might be able to help you. If you wish to book a call, click here.
1. Choose a Divorce option that works for you.
When it comes to divorce, there is plenty of choice available to us. We suggest taking the time prior to filing for divorce to research all the options that are available to you and choose the one that works for you both to keep the situation harmonious by exploring all your alternative dispute resolution options.
Mediation is often the best option for couples who want to end their marriage amicably. In mediation, two parties work together, with the help of a neutral facilitator, to settle their matter outside of court. According to the Government Statistics, between January and March this year, the number of couples who started mediation was up by 1/3, resulting in 62% of those couples who discussed their differences through mediation, reaching a successful agreement.
2. Set goals and make a plan.
Think about your priorities, goals and what is important to you. Be prepared to identify anything that you believe will improve the situation for both of you.
If you are unsure on what your priorities are, and have not prepared a plan, it can result in you not getting what you deserve when your divorce is over. You must put time aside to decide what you would like. This does not mean it is a guarantee that you will get it, but it does allow a better chance.
Be prepared to have your ideas and plans challenged and be ready to listen to the other points of view
3.Establish boundaries around communication.
Regularly, if no boundaries are set, a partner can feel that that it is acceptable to ignore the other as they are separated, which can result in distance or alternatively, partners feel like they can bombard each other which can make a partner feel overwhelmed and create more conflict than needed.
If there are times set up to communicate, these periods can be coordinated for certain matters. (To discuss budgets, children’s arrangements, successful future outcomes etc.) This can help each partner know when topics can be discussed and allow both partners to feel like things are still moving forward correctly, while also allowing time for yourself to deal with the emotions you are facing, which leads us on to tip four.
4. Find a strong support system away from your partner.
It is important to remember that no matter how isolated you may feel, you are not alone. it’s crucial to build a support network of friends, family, co-workers and even support forums that you can rely on during the process, as it is no secret that divorce can take an emotional toll on all parties.
We need to consider that a partner and/or your children are very much involved in the situation and therefore, it is valuable to consider that they need to manage their own emotions too, so that both parties can move on in a healthy manner to ensure that emotions do not cause bigger issues during the proceedings.
Support Forums such as The Group Hug can help with grief and allow you to feel supported by those who are not close to the situation. It allows you to talk through how you are feeling, no matter what day, time… You can ask questions, help others, and even make new friends. By doing this, it allows you to control your emotions, and approach your divorce with a calm and level head.
5. Focus on The Big Picture.
The decisions you will need to make during the divorce process will have an impact on you and your children for many years to follow, so don’t get tied down in fighting over the small matters or trying to be right.
The aim is to get the best out of the situation for both partners and come to an amicable result where both parties are happy with the end decision. We need to look forward rather than focusing on what has happened in the past.
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